Dreams

I started this post with the title "Goals", thinking I would write about the things I hope to accomplish in my life. I find I am a very goal-oriented person. As I started to make out the list (I am a list person as well), I realized that "goals" was too mundane a term. Really what I wanted to write about were my dreams, those things that I really want out of life.

I love science. I always have. I love exploring, I love thinking, I love learning new things. Finishing my undergrad made me sad - I wanted more! There were so many things I still wanted to learn - I guess graduate school was right for me. Of course my desire for knowledge goes beyond science. Even though I am a grad student in science, I love taking courses in other subjects. I want to learn foreign languages! I want to read all of the great classics! I want to have debates about politics and social policies. Really, I am a life-long student and I hope to always be one.

I am actually looking forward to being a postdoc. Some have told me it was the best time of their lives (of course, people say that about undergrad and grad school as well), that it is the only time one really has to focus on research without other obligations. I read a lot of negative things about being a postdoc on the Internet. About how it is a hurdle to jump over, how it is training without anyone actually willing to do the training, how it forces scientists to postpone starting their real lives. I am determined not to let it be like that. I want the freedom that comes with being a postdoc, of working on what I want to work on without the PhD thesis looming over me. I want to focus on research before I have to worry about committee work, teaching and writing grants. I want the chance to explore my own scientific interests, to learn how to truly become an independent researcher. And I don't want to postpone my life. I am determined not to work crazy hours - I WILL have a life outside of my research.

Maybe I will get married and start a family during my postdoc years. They say there really is no right time, so I will just let whatever happens happen. The right time is when I decide I want to. And I do want to someday. I love children and I think my life would be incomplete without them.

I want to travel. I have had wonderful opportunities to travel as a grad student. I really think that is one of the great perks of being a scientist - the opportunity to travel all over the world for conferences to present research and meet new people. I want to explore all of these wondrous cities and taste their food and feel what their culture is like! The postdoc years will be a perfect chance for this because I may not be able to travel as much after I have a family.

Career-wise, my ultimate goal is become a professor at a small liberal arts college. I think that is mostly because I went to one and I absolutely loved it. It is also because I believe in that style of learning - science is only one aspect of life that college students should learn about. I love the small classes and dedicated students (of course I know they aren't all dedicated to MY field!). I want teaching to be a very important component of what I do rather than something that just needs to get done to fulfill a requirement so that I can do my "real" job. I have had some extraordinary teachers in my life and I want to be that type of role model for others. I want to do research as well but I don't want it to be the most important thing in my life. I want to belong to my community. I actually think I would enjoy committee work, especially things that were involved with the rest of the college, outside of the sphere of my department. In short, I want to do it all! Who doesn't? The trick will be finding the right way to balance it all and maintain my sanity. There are a lot of people who say it can't be done, but right now I need to believe it can.

Introduction

Ok. Here is my first post.

First, a little bit about me. I am a grad student in astronomy about to begin my 6th(!) year. I am planning on this being my last. This means the next year will be full of thesis writing and job hunting stress. I can't wait!

Why am I starting a blog? In the last few months I have found many blogs online written by other female scientists. I have found them to be truly inspirational. There are days when I really wonder if I am up to pursuing academia, if I really have what it takes, if it's even something I want to do. On these days I read through the posts written by these other women, those who beat the odds, those who somehow manage to find a way to do it all, and I can't help but feel like maybe I can do it too. I feel like a silent member of a little community and it is wonderful. I have decided that I don't want to be silent anymore, that I also want to share my stories and my passion for science. And maybe there are others out there that will someday be inspired by something I have to say.

So for the moment, this will be a place to tell my story. My daily ups and downs, my thesis/paper writing fun, and of course, the all-important job hunt. Maybe there will eventually be a reader or two to follow along!